Walk! with Gregory Deetz and Muffy LaGuardia

Diagnoses of fabulous fringe representative

2005-08-14T23:47:00.000-04:00

One more thing about tonight's tour. A very special young lady joined us today and I want to dedicate this post to her. I sense a certain constriction around her head, shoulders, abdomen, pelvis, knees and footbones. There seems to be a proclivity towards cellular commication which contributes to an atrophy of her sensual experience of the world around her. I urge you, if you are out there, CN, to come back tomorrow night. "Walk With Gregory Deetz and Muffy LaGuardia" is really SO MUCH MORE than a play.

The Scott!?!?!? People are clamoring for more Lane Fulcrum info!

2005-08-08T16:09:00.000-04:00

The Scott,
Listen buddy, we need more back story.
The tours have been up and running and from what I hear from Muffy, Gregory and Gerald (our new stage manager, I'll get back to that in a minute), is that the tours are going great - - -people are walking, learning how to be a part of New York but people want to know about Lane Fulcrum!
I know your schedule is full and your copies of Fulcrumism are dog-eared and worn from use, but let's get it out to the people. THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT LANE AND NYC!
I know there's a buzz about Walk w Greg & Muffy.
One last point. Gerald, the new Stage Manager, is a very qualified guide who knows the rigmarole of sherpa-ing adn all. That is clear, but I was curious to why there was a need to outsource for a Stage Manager when there is someone, maybe someone right under your nose, who is quite qualified to manage the tour. I won't mention any names but he may live in my apartment.....if you know what I mean. His name may rhyme with Shmott Shmichardson.... if you know what I mean.
Just wondering.
Scott Richardson (get the hint?)

The Lane Fulcrum Story...

2005-07-21T15:28:00.000-04:00

I would like to begin this, my first and therefore most important blog entry with a simple answer to my recent detractor(s).
First of all I have NOT been making any efforts to quell the creativity and/or productivity of the Walk! team, in fact quite the contrary.
Perhaps some of you from whom I have received irksome emails would like to direct similar lines of questioning at my "partner" (and it should be noted "ward" for the summer) Scott Richardson. If you need some inspiration let me get you all started (especially walkfannyc634@gmail.com)

Dear Scott Richardson, where are the interviews with and/or correspondence from the new Lane Contacts you made several weeks ago?
Where are the new developments in your Lane Fulcrum Research?
Why have you left us all in the dark?
Why do you always leave they toilet lid open and furthermore why can’t you simply put the dishes into the dishwasher? That’s what it’s there for! You’ve gone to the trouble of scraping the plate clean, what is it about that final step (actually opening the door and racking your plates, glasses and silverware) that continuously eludes you? Answer me that!
Now to the point at hand.

As the director of this theatrical endeavor I feel it is my duty to maintain control over our audiences entire experience of Walk! with Gregory Deetz and Muffy LaGuardia. I realize that I may be a bit over-zealous at times, but it is vital to the preservation of the unique cathartic experience of our piece. For these reasons I have spent several weeks withholding the final installment of the very exhilarating interview with Gregory and Muffy. And I will be straightforward with you all, dear readers, I WILL NOT be publishing Scott R’s transcript UNEDITED. I will have to excerpt some of the materials in order to preserve the dramatic ark of our walking performance; and what remains of the transcript will be published piece by piece over the next couple of weeks, as teasers for our potential audience. I hope you enjoy!

Now, I am not the type of person who believes in prophecy and divination or any of that sort of malarkey, but I do predict that every nay-sayer, detractor and "The Scott"-basher will eat their words when they realize the incredible care, insight and creative genius I have bestowed upon this project and the integrity of it’s unique artistic experience.

Enough from me. You’re here for information. Read on dear fan(s)!
For the sake of clarity I have typed all of my DELETIONS, EDITIONS and ADDITIONS in capitals.

With tea service complete and our systems recharged we settled in to...
SCOTT RICHARDSON STARTED THIS INSTALLMENT WITH ANOTHER ONE OF HIS HOKEY "SPIRITUAL AWAKENING, CONSCIOUSNESS EXPANDING, LIFE CHANGING" EDITORIAL INTRODUCTIONS. FOR THE SAKE OF TIME, SPACE AND SIMPLE JOURNALISTIC OBJECTIVITY I’VE DELETED MOST OF HIS OPINING, HERE AND THROUGHOUT. IT IS MY GOAL THAT THIS INSTALMENT BE FACTUAL AND I DARE SAY EASIER TO READ.
We communed.. (WHO "COMMUNES"?) ...as our conversation turned to the biography of ...(MORE EDITORIALIZING)... Lane Fulcrum. I, for one, was on the edge of my seat. (COME ON!)

SR: What do you know about Lane’s... childhood? It seems funny now that I ask. I guess, because the mental image I’ve created of him is difficult to imagine as a child at all.
ML: That’s not uncommon Scott.
GD: And even as a child, Lane wasn’t child-like.
ML: Oh no...
GD: He came into this world searching.
ML: And he had to grow up quickly-
SR: Are there no photos of him at all?
GD: Oh no, no-
ML: He would never allow such a thing.
GD: Lane was against the very concept of ownership and to him a photo was like owning a piece of him.
SR: Even as a child-
ML: Well it was part of the philosophy and spirituality he developed when he sought out his Native American roots.
SR: Right-
GD: And they never had photos at the orphanage-
ML: -It just wasn’t in the budget.
SR: I see...

ONCE AGAIN I’VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF EXCERPTING A VERY "MEANINGFUL" PARAGRAPH FROM OUR PROSE-HOUND SCOTT RICHARDSON. TRUST ME, YOU’RE WELCOME!

SR: So Lane was left at an orphenage?
ML: Yes Lane spent his entire youth in a rough home for foundlings in Broolyn-
GD: -Iowa.
SR: I wasn’t even aware that there was a Brooklyn, Iowa.
ML: Oh, yes, it’s a very small town.
GD: In the middle of the great plains.
SR: Huh...

There was a momentary lull as I think I perceived my hosts to ponder... I LEFT THIS ONE IN JUST TO SERVE AS A REMINDER THAT I’VE BEEN DOING YOU ALL A FAVOR ...perhaps, muse on the great expanses of the mid-western United States.

SR: Is there anything at all known about Lane’s heritage?
ML: Oh sure-
GD: A little.
SR: Were his parents killed?
ML: Yes-
GD: Actually they were on the lam-
ML: From a death threat-
SR: I see. Fascinating-
("FASCINATING!")
SR: (Continued) - so his parents-
ML: Eleanor and-
GD:-Magnus
SR: ...Eleanor
ML: -nee Blackstone.
SR: and Magnus-
ML: Actually R. Magnus-
SR: R. Magnus Fulcrum were "on the lam" you say?
GD: There was a death threat.
SR: Wow...
ML: Eleanor was actually the sole heir to the Blackstone’s Magic™ empire.
GD: but she loathed the family business, in fact her only documented performance of a parlor magic trick was-
ML:-at the Manhattan Yacht Club. Where- after interrupting a fiercely contested game of straight billiards between two of New York’s most eligible bachelor’s, Eleanor perfectly executed a double-blind-cross-fan and "disappeared" the only cue ball in the room. The more notable "trick" of the night, however, was the double-snaring of the long-coveted affections of both players R. Magnus Fulcrum and Jonas Smythe-Hutchinson.
SR: Charming!
(PLEASE IMAGINE MY SARCASM... "CHAAAARRRRMMMINNNGGG!")
SR: Of course she married R. Magnus-
ML: Though not without entertaining proposals from both men.
GD: Which infuriated-
ML: Everyone.
GD: So after they married Jonas swore out a bounty on their heads and they fled the city.
SR: How exciting!

STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF THE LANE FULCRUM STORY.

An open letter

2005-07-09T15:01:00.000-04:00

to all fans of Walk! with Gregory deetz and Muffy LaGuardia.

Dear friends,

I would like to personally apologize on behalf of myself, Gregory and Muffy for the late, absolute absence of development on this weblog.
I only wish that I could personally accept the blame for this lull, dare I say lag in creativity.
Unfortunately I will have to direct you and your informational hunger, ire or disappointment to none other than our self-proclaimed leader Scott "The Scott" Olmstead.
I hate to be the instigator of any virtual finger-pointing, but I fear, dear reader that it has come to that...

2005-07-09T14:58:00.001-04:00

You!

2005-07-09T14:58:00.000-04:00

That's Right!

An open letter... continued.

2005-07-09T14:45:00.000-04:00

I would like all of you ton know that the completed interview of May 27th has been transcribed and ready for publication for weeks.
"The Scott" (if that is his real name) has been sitting on this document quoting "Directorial-Creative-Executive Privilage".??!!!
The developments of that afternoon were incredible, fascinating and inspiring, and if I may say so, you deserve to read the evidence.
Nay you MUST read it!
Please send your message to "The Scott" let him know that Walk! fans deserve all the fruits of my labor.
Email our manipulative, censoring director with your demands!
He can be contacted at:
pk2of3@hotmail.com

Send a message today, send several.

Thank you,
Sincerely,
Scott Richardson

The Interview- chapter 2

2005-06-17T13:52:00.000-04:00

As our afternoon interview continued and my companions began to unfold for me the mystery of Lane Fulcrum, my preconceived notions of their Guru fell one by one. Listening back to the recording now I realize how unprepared I was for this assignment. As Gregory and Muffy slowly peeled the onion of this shadowy shaman I found my own presumptions, prejudices and defenses falling away. In the end I felt I was finally where I needed to be to pursue the rest of this project. I was finally "available" and perhaps, maybe even ready, to step into the "Lane lane."

Scott Richardson: Let’s go back to the beginning.
Muffy LaGuardia: Okay-
Gregory Deetz: Lane Fulcrum was born on March 15th 1948-
ML:-to noble-
GD:-if somewhat infamous lineage.

The singular unity of understanding and indelible intimacy of shared knowledge between my hosts is uncanny in a way that no mere transcript can capture. Obviously a symptom of their common passion for the subject matter it is also however, I believe, indicative of their lifelong friendship and a result of their unique "ensemble-guide" work.

SR: (Chuckling) Not quite that far back! Not yet anyway.
GD: Oh...
SR: Let’s start with the two of you. How did you come to know each other?
ML: Well that’s kind of a funny story Scott.
GD: It sort of fits into the bigger picture if you think about it...
ML: True!
SR: Okay?
ML: Well, Gregory and I met in-
GD: First grade?
ML: Mrs. Hayes’ class. We were nearly instant best friends.
GD: I was kind of a loner as a kid.
ML: As was I because, you see, I was-
GD: -an army brat.
ML: Gregory!
GD: (Laughs) Well that’s what I always called the military kids-
ML: Yes we always had to endure some abuse from the local color. My father transferred to Colorado Springs when I-
GD: We-
ML: -were in first grade. Mrs Hayes sat me next to Gregory and I knew immediately we would be fast friends. She enjoyed crafts as much as I did.
GD: At that time I was trying to be an inventor, like my Dad.
ML: When I sat down she was entirely lost in the construction of a hat-
GD: It was a model-
ML: I believe a pilgrim’s hat-
GD: -of an invention-
ML: -it was around Thanksgiving time-
GD: -I’d been working on.
ML:-out of construction paper.
GD: -a pipe-cleaner-cleaner.
ML: She didn’t even look up to say "Hello."
GD: It was friend-at-first-sight. (?Laughs.?)
ML: She didn’t react at all really-
GD: It never worked though.
ML: What?
GD: The pipe-cleaner-cleaner-
ML: The who-
SR: So one might say it was a bumpy start?
GD: Sure-
ML: NO!
GD: Not really...
ML: She didn’t notice me right away, but-
GD: At all really-
ML: -at lunch-time-
GD: -she stood next to me in line.
ML: I turned my smile upon her and she warmed up.
GD: I thought her scarf was very... glamourous.
ML: After that there was no separating us.
GD: And we were reunited just two years ago.

SR: I see...
ML: Yes... like magic.
GD: If you know what I mean.

They both laugh heartily at this joke in which I am not included.

SR: Reunited?
GD: Right in the middle of-
ML: "The Black-Out of 2003"
GD: the Brooklyn Bridge.
SR: I see... so you met in first grade and-
ML: As Gregory likes to say it was-
BOTH: "Friend-at-first-sight!"
GD: I did say that!
ML: To be honest Scott, Gregory was really my first true friend.
GD: I was your only friend!
ML: (Laughs) At that time that’s true, and I was yours-
GD: But I was a nerd!
ML: Too true. You see Scott, it wasn’t easy for me to have friends. We were always moving, so I got very good at making friends but was very bad at keeping them. Until Gregory.
GD: And that only lasted a year and a half if you think about it-
ML: Yes our tragedy... But for all of first grade and roughly... seven/twelfths of second grade we were absolutely inseparable.
GD: Muffy is very determined when she sets her mind to something.
ML: We were like yin and yang! complementing one another’s precocious, ever-expanding minds in such fascinating ways.
GD: We were funny alright-
ML: It was like we had been placed on Earth specifically to spend long afternoons roller-skating, trading stickers and overcharging the neighbors for "organic" lemonade.
GD: And we were totally different from each other-
ML: Right! -so there, like, wasn’t ever any, like, competition between us.
GD: True.

For the first time in our interview, Muffy’s chipper demeanor began to change as their story took a dark turn. In hindsight it’s obvious that these soul-mates have "weathered" a rough time and now rest "alee" in their rekindled friendship.

ML: Of course our paradise was short-lived. In May of 1985 my dad was re-stationed and we moved to Washington D.C.
SR: That must’ve been tough for you.
ML: Yes.
SR: How was it for you Gregory?
GD: You moved?
ML: Gregory! Of course we moved-
GD: In May?
ML: Yes May! What do you mean "You moved?" How could you ask that-
GD: I moved Muffy. I mean, we moved.
ML: What?
GD: To Minnesota.
ML: I’m not sure what you’re playing at right now Gregory, but-
GD: My Mom was granted a last-minute art fellowship for her Spork Project in May of 1985. We were packed and gone in two days-
ML: No, no... But, I- ...Oh... Could that’ve been- the same... May?
GD: Wait, you left without saying goodbye?
ML: So did you!
GD: I had no choice. My Dad refused to go, so Mom drugged us and shipped us in the middle of the night. My Dad really hates Minnesota, Scott.
SR: I see...
ML: I rang your doorbell. It rang and rang and rang. I thought you were home but... I don’t know-
GD: I wasn’t-
ML: I guess, I thought you thought it would hurt too much to say goodbye, or something.
GD: No Way!
ML: Oh Gregory. I’m-
GD: -so sorry.

The touching embrace, the unified discovery of this moment can’t be put into words. And honestly dear reader, I wouldn’t dream of taking credit for such a monumental moment their friendship; but I will say my line of questioning was rather fortuitous.

SR: (Wiping a tear from my eye) So, 2003?
GD: Right! At roughly 4:20 pm on August 14, 2003 New York City was plunged into darkness.
ML: (Also wiping tears) Oh! That day!
GD: By 5 pm thousands of New Yorkers were streaming across the Brooklyn Bridge.
ML: Were you here then Scott?
SR: No, I-
ML: Oh what a day! It was-
GD: Hot!
ML: So hot, it was unbelievable.
GD: At the time I was guiding tours under the name Gigi Deitrich.
SR: I beg your pardon?
ML: It’s a long story Scott. Gregory was on the lam.
GD: The Moopers were-
ML: Suffice to say, she had run into trouble with some Tour Bus people.
GD: Wheelies!

Again Gregory performs the un-hexing or hexing gesture I’d witnessed earlier.

ML: Scott, I had literally gotten off a plane that afternoon. I was returning from a year of study with the London’s elite Blue Badge Tour Guides. I’m sure you’re aware. In any case, I had my entire life packed into three suitcases. I was horribly-
GD: Over dressed. It was, like ninety-five degrees out. She was wearing wool-
ML: And stockings, I know-
GD: And the humidity... whew!
ML: The subway shut down. There wasn’t a cab to be had...
GD: Besides which, traffic was- (begins laughing) the wheelies couldn’t move. It was really a triumph.
ML: It was a great day to experience the Lane lane.
GD: We took the entire bridge, thousands of walkers, and the wheelies were left stranded. Such a chorus of honking you’ve never heard. It was a great moment!

Gregory raises her fists in triumph and looks to Muffy. Muffy acquiesces raises her fists and the two of them- I can only be describe it as- as slap foot-five.?

SR: Obviously two such fervent walkers as yourselves had no trouble finding each other-
GD: Oh no-
ML: Scott you have to understand, on that afternoon I felt like the loneliest person on the planet. For all I knew Gregory Deetz was hiking the Colorado Rockies or walking the Outback of Australia. I had no idea where in the world she was.
GD: Me neither.
ML: I was over-dressed, under-slept, jet-lagged and dreadfully hot.
GD: (chuckles) A wool blazer and that hat! (Begins chortling)
ML: But even under such duress, I could not resist the beauty of our great walking communion. Once the footbridge was over-crowded, pedestrians began streaming across the roadways themselves. It was magnificent.
SR: And where were you in the midst of all this Gregory?
GD: Well I had a 4:00 tour scheduled that day. On the east side-
SR: So you were mid-tour-
GD: Well that’s the funny thing you know... I was really trying to expand my Lane-ness at that point so I had scheduled several impromptu Trash-Reading tours.
SR: Come again.
ML: Oh brother...
GD: Well, Lane used to use trash cans as sign posts along the way. Sometimes he would read the contents of a trash bin and let the formations decide the route-
SR: Like tea leaves-
GD: Oooo- tea leaves mean stay put, no matter how they lie. Fruit means move, but it depends on whether it’s whole or partially eaten, or...
ML: It’s very complicated-
SR: I can see that.
GD: Anyhow, where was I?
SR: You were mid-tour when the lights went out?
GD: Oh no, the weird thing is that at 4:15 none of my clients had arrived yet-
ML: Believe it or not, this was a common problem for the "Trash Tours" as she called them.
GD: So I figured they must be running late or something- In hind sight, it might have been a sign that something was coming.
ML: Or no one.
GD: I guess you can never be too aware.
ML: You see!
SR: So you were still waiting for your tour-ees? Is that what you call them?
GD: Clients, students... it really depends on-
ML: I like to call them guests.
SR: That’s nice. I like that. So you were waiting when the lights went out.
GD: That’s a great metaphor Scott!
SR: But literally.
GD: Yeah.
SR: So then... you started walking?
GD: Well I never even thought about it... I guess I didn’t even realize the lights were out until I’d walked, like a mile or two.
ML: (Giggles) Surprise!
GD: Around 4:30 I became hyper-aware of the honking. Just so much honking! I looked up from my walker’s journal and saw the tide of walkers flowing- it was-
SR: Unique?
GD: To say the least, I just fell-in and tried to be as Lane-ic as possible. It was life-changing really. I’d say by the time I neared the bridge I was about as in the Lane-lane as I had ever been. I was moving with freedom and heightened awareness, I was one with and yet entirely independent from the moving mass. It was perfect flow.
SR: Wow.
GD: And I guess right around then, this is Chambers Street or thereabouts someone mentions that it’s the biggest power-outage in, like decades. I decided I’d better make note of it...
SR: So...
GD: Well I whipped out my walker’s journal and began writing about the experience-
SR: Okay and-
ML: While still walking, right Gregory?
GD: Oh yeah, that goes without saying, it's a walker's journal and I was in the-
BOTH: (Even I chime in at this point) -Lane-lane!
SR: I see. And you Muffy, at this point...?
ML: I have to admit it was rather fortuitous.
SR: You were on the bridge as well?
ML: As I said Scott, even under the circumstances I couldn’t resist the Lane-ic beauty of it all. About half-way across the bridge I paused to take a photo. When I stooped to put my camera away I felt very woozy.
SR: Heat stroke? Dehydration?
GD: Wool and stockings.
ML: Probably both Scott. And much to my dismay when I sought to quench my thirst I discovered that I had exhausted my water supply.
SR: What a heart breaker.
ML: It was the last straw, I began reeling. It tipped the bottle to my lips and as the last drop sizzled on my tongue everything began falling away.
SR: How dramatic-
GD: I caught her.
ML: It’s true.
GD: I was right behind her when she fell. She literally fell into my arms.
SR: Quite a reunion!
GD: I mean talk about Holy Lane!
ML: It was rather poetic.
SR: What a story- two childhood friends separated by unforseen circumstances reunited by chance. It’s very touching.
ML: I opened my eyes and there she was. Unmistakable after all these years.
SR: She hadn’t changed much?
ML: Well, not a lot, but, you see, after she caught me she went right back to writing.
GD: I was really riding a Lane of thought Scott.
ML: She didn’t, even... realize it was me.
GD: Until you screamed.
ML: True.
GD: Loudly!
ML: It’s true I did. Here we were, twenty years later and my childhood friend hadn’t noticed me, again, this time falling into her arms.
GD: But I did catch you Muffy. Let’s be honest. You were falling and I caught you.
ML: Yes Gregory! But you wouldn’t have caught me if you had been paying attention. If you hadn’t been lost in thought you probably would have dodged the feinting lady.
GD: But I didn’t, and because I was lost I found you.
SR: Wow.
GD: Right?!
ML: And that’s our story.
SR: Wow. All I can say is wow. That’s just great. So then what happened?
GD: Well we had a lot of catching up to do.
ML: And in the midst of it all we rediscovered or great lost friendship.
GD: And our business plan.
ML: Right.
SR: Business plan?
ML: Walking and Talking LLC.
SR: You tour company right.
GD: (Corrects me) A Walking-Tour company.
ML: That was how and when we began developing our "tag-team-"
GD: -"ensemble-"
ML: -guiding techniques.
SR: Fascinating! Walking and Talking was-
GD: -LLC.
SR: LLC was launched that spring?
ML: It took most of that year to get it off the ground but by Early 2004 we were guiding regularly and running in the black.
GD: And more importantly Scott, we were really pushing the envelope in terms of guide-craft and group-formation.
SR: At what point did Walk! enter the picture.
GD: Oh-
ML: That’s another story altogether.
GD: Yeah-
ML: In fact that reminds me, who wants tea?

They both laugh again. Their laughter is like music to me.

GD: I ‘ll have the usual, thanks.
SR: Um, sure-
ML: Scott, would you prefer Mint, Chommile, Raspberry Zinger, Feminine De-tox or Shakrah Wonderment?
SR: Uh, Chammonmile.
ML: Great.
GD: So Walk!... Hmm...
SR: Yes, let’s get back to Lane.
ML: Yes let’s!

The Interview- chapter 1

2005-06-02T12:28:00.000-04:00

In lieu of discovering new contacts to Lane, I decided to compile some basic biographical information about our Subject for you dear reader.
Who better to shed light on the man, myth and legend than our Star Walking-Artistes Gregory Deetz and Muffy LaGuardia?
On May 27th, 2005 I sat down with Gregory and Muffy in order to get to the bottom of the Lane Fulcrum mystery.
What follows is the first of three installments comprising the transcript of our entire interview. I hope you enjoy them.
-Scott Richardson

Scott Richardson: Thank you both for meeting with me. As you may have gathered I’ve been having some difficulty with my research.
Muffy LaGuardia: That’s why we’re here!
Gregory Deetz: Ya know!
SR: I presume you two don’t mind sharing what you know about Lane with our readers?
ML: Of course not.
GD: No... Where to begin though?
SR: Well how about the beginning... How did you both come to know about Lane Fulcrum?
ML: Oh well... I mean... That’s easy.
GD: Yeah-
(Pause)
ML: You see, at the time..
GD: Yeah at the time of his... I don’t really know what you’d call it, I mean I don’t want to sound like, hokey or anything, but at the time of his... more or less,...I guess I’d call it... his ministry-
ML: (Laughs) "Not to sound hokey or anything"- I think what Gregory means is that during Lane’s time... that is to say, during the pinnacle, I’m talking years before his...
GD: ...disappearance.
ML: ...Yes. During his pinnacle, and let’s be clear here, I mean, at the height of his popularity... at that time Lane was guiding ... sometimes...
GD: ..up to...
ML: ...as many as-
GD:- a hundred
ML: -people at a time!
(Pause)
GD: Can you imagine...
(Pause)
ML: Scott, you understand...
SR:-uh...
GD: That’s a lot Scott.
SR: Oh, I see!
ML: People just don’t, well they really don’t grasp the magnitude...
GD: Of ministering to-
ML: That’s her term not mine-
GD: -Yes it is... Scott, Lane’s "tours" were multi-dimensional. They were both informational and spiritual... I don’t think that "guiding" really captures what he-
ML: It’s just that-
GD: Well I guess he truly was a "guide" in every sense, but-
ML: -You know what though, Gregory, one "ministers" to a multitude. I don’t object to the implication of the spiritual and let’s not forget sensual quality of his tours. I object to the aesthetic implied in the word ministry. As Scott just illustrated the average person does not understand the most basic precepts of walking-tour-ology. No offense, Scott-
GD: Right...
SR: None taken.
ML: But I think it’s safe to say that the average American, probably the average person anywhere in the World, does not know the difference between a "dynamic two-by-two" and a "static cluster."*
GD: They probably don’t even know they exist!.
(Pause)
SR: Uh, I sure didn’t.
ML: And that’s why I object to creating the mental image of Lane "ministering." It conjures a group of sheep, standing around. It belittles his accomplishments.
GD: I can see that.
*These terms are part of a complex and expansive walking-tour lexicon previously unknown to me. Both of these terms refer to formations employed to meet the specific informational and communicational needs of a "walking unit" as dictated by topography and geography.
SR: Where were we?
GD: The beginning, I think?
ML: Right.
SR: "The pinnacle."
GD: The pinnacle-
ML: Right, as I was saying, in the years leading up to his-
GD: Disappearance.
ML: ...disappearance, Lane was The Guide in the NY walking-tour world. I mean he wasn’t everybody’s cup of... well you kind of-
GD: Loved him or hated him.
ML:- right, but one way or the other, everybody knew who Lane Fulcrum was.
SR: I see. And this "Pinnacle" was-
ML: The early-mid ‘90s...?
GD: Late ‘80s to early ‘90s really. ...
ML: Um-
GD: Depending on who you ask.
ML: Right-
GD: You see Scott, in 1990 Lane began charging exorbitant fees for his tours-
ML: True...
GD: You understand, it was purely a measure of crowd control...
ML: He had to.
GD: ...and so while his popularity waned many claim he truly evolved as his audience became more... selective.
ML: Of course it’s all a matter of great debate!
SR: Right. So...
(Pause)
SR: -early ‘90s. We’ll say.
GD: If you want.
ML: Yeah. Great!
SR: Okay. So at this time his tours became less popular, but some contend that they became better?
ML: Some.
GD: Yes.
SR: And you.. Gregory, were aware of Lane at this time.
ML: Of course!
GD: Well yes, as we say, you couldn’t have not known about him at that time. Ooo...That’s a double negative.
(Gregory then performed a series of gestures, which this uneducated interviewer took for sign language. In retrospect I believe they comprised some sort of hex, or un-hexing ritual. If Muffy noticed at all, she clearly took it for routine.)
ML: I think what Gregory means is that... at that time, in order to not be aware of Lane Fulcrum, you’d have to ’ve had your head in a hole.
GD: Exactly.
SR: So Lane was an undisputed celebrity in his time.
ML: Certainly in the NY Walking-Tour culture!
(Pause)
GD: Absolutely!
SR: Why do you think that was? Was it simply a matter of charisma?
GD: Oh-
ML: -no Scott. It was much more than that. As we mentioned it is difficult for the average layperson, or non-walker, to understand the finer points, the technical proficiencies: the voice, the knowledge, the knack for minutiae, that comprise the walking-guide’s skill set...
GD: The trash-reading-
SR: I’m sorry-
ML: All the skills that Lane employed! And, Scott I can’t overemphasize the unique challenge posed by his singular popularity. Attempting to impart a unique and powerful experience to ... a hundred-
GD: Sometimes more-
ML: -people at a time!
SR: Charisma eh?
GD: Lane was-
ML: Certainly charismatic, certainly charming, some might even say... sexy-
GD: If you’re into that sort of-
ML: I mean he was smart, and sensitive and physically he-
GD: Was actually kind of ugly.
ML: What people often described as... a legendary ugly-beauty.
GD: I’d say that for most people though, it was really his message and his meaning. His-
ML: -biceps. (Laughs) He was very physically fit.
SR: Well sure, with the constant walking... and talking...
GD: Yes, and-
ML: He liked to work out too. He was buff!
SR: I imagine, like most performers he-
GD: He had to Scott. It wasn’t just a point of pride. He’d ‘ve been bedridden if he didn’t constantly maintain his incredible physical regime.
SR: You mean the pressures, the demands of his cult-status-
ML: Of course-
GD: I mean the basic physical demands of being a paraplegic tour guide!
ML: -Right!
(Pause)
SR: I’m sorry. I- I didn’t-
GD: A walking tour guide that couldn’t walk!
SR: I beg your pardon. How presumptuous of me.
(Pause)
SR: How embarrassing. I... I guess, I never- figured...
ML: You’d be surprised how often that happens. People just-
GD: I’m sorry for embarrassing you, I assumed you knew.
SR: No, not, not really...
ML: Well...
GD: Lane lost the use of his legs in his mid-twenties.
SR: Wow. I mean, how did he-
GD: A miracle really. Maybe literally. Some say, divine-
ML: Crutches.
SR: Crutches?
ML: Crutches.
GD: Yes. Specially designed... tripod crutches.
SR: I see-
ML: Perhaps it would be best-
GD: If we started from the beginning?
SR: Yes. I think, maybe that would be best.

Help!

2005-05-26T13:37:00.000-04:00

Well dear readers, I guess it would be safe to say that in the last two weeks I’ve learned more about Lane Fulcrum by omission than inclusion.
This may be the single most secretive individual I’ve ever covered; and it would seem that those who were closest to him guard his secrecy as steadfastly as Lane himself did.

Some facts:
Lane Fulcrum maintained no permanent address.
He never allowed himself to be photographed.
And as for the cryptic manuscript entitled Fulcrum-ism, if ever it was printed, not a single copy made it into the public library system.

If you or someone you know has any information about Lane Fulcrum please contact me.
scottrichardsonnyc@hotmail.com

In closing, a sincere plea:
You agents of Lane who perpetuate and maintain the shroud of secrecy, we mean him no harm.
Muffy, Gregory and I only wish to share the legend of Lane Fulcrum with others in order to spread his message.

Please help us do so.
Thank you-

Hellooooo.....

2005-05-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

What’s going on here?
Scott, has this project completely stalled or what?

Who is Lane Fulcrum?

That's me!

2005-05-04T13:52:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,

I'm Scott Richardson.

I've created this weblog for a "show" I'm working on.
My buddy Scott Olmstead, we (that's Muffy, Gregory and I) call him "The Scott" 'cause having two Scotts involved in a project can be a little confusing!
Plus, we think he's "The man".

Well! He's the "Boss-Man" any way.

Anyhoo-
The name of the show (as you may have guessed) is "Walk! with Gregory Deetz and Muffy LaGuardia"
(That's in alphabetical order in case you didn't notice)

Gregory and Muffy asked Scott... I mean... "The Scott"- (see I get confused myself sometimes) to help them create a very "Theatrical" walking-tour-tribute to their mentor and guru Lane Fulcrum.

Did I mention Gregory and Muffy are both Walking-Tour guides?
In any case,
They've asked The Scott to turn his Theater-Arts-Genius upon the Walking-Tour and help them...

"Reshape, nay, redefine the Walking-Tour form. In order to make New York City... and... The World see the Walking-Tour for what it truly is... The Fourth Branch of the Performing Arts. (Just so you know, Scott, the other branches are Music, Dance and Theater)"
-Muffy Laguardia

That's no small endeavor. And I can write, without hyperbole, that there are no three candidates on the face of the globe better qualified to meet this challenge.
So they called me in to help out.

Since, I got to town, The Scott has assigned me the "dramaturgical" (his word not mine) tasks of creating this very weblong, and posting all the relavent information I compile via research and interview.

I look forward to sharing it all with you.

Yours sincerely,
Scott Richardson

New Test

2005-03-10T14:28:00.000-05:00

Just testing out the new Walk! weblog.
This'll be a great way to share info we discover about Lane.